A Negative Post

Most likely, you wont want to read this....it's all negative.

I wish I had something inspiring to say. I wish I had some enormous wonderful experience to tell you about. I wish I had at least some content for you to see from me, but I dont.

I'm just not feeling up to par.

I've had a dragging sickness for the past month or so. The thought of food makes me want to throw up, and if I can find something that I want to eat, a couple of bites is all it takes to fill me up. Some days I'd eat string cheese and have some water and I was full. Just not hungry.

Then to top it off, I couldn't sleep through the night. I'd wake up every hour or so and just not fall asleep. Long restless nights where you are tortured by your thoughts. Days have become more and more challenging. I guess third quarter is the hardest for this grade.

I've been losing weight a bunch too. It was going to be time for me to even back out since I haven't grown length wise for 3 years, but twenty pounds seems a bit excessive.

I'm getting sick of this feeling of not being able to stand up without passing out, and this feeling of emptiness.

The good news is is its almost going away! There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm able to eat better now. I'm able to run the mile with my class, and that was a huge blessing I was so grateful for.

I'm sorry for the pity post....and the excuses, but please bear with me.

Just Some Thoughts

It's so much easier to just forgive and not hold onto things. It'll save you the heartache, the person involved a heartache, and you're sanity.

Assume the best in people, just smile and know that they are going through things just like you have and will go through things, and in a while (days or years) they will be over it.

Know that you don't have to be everyone's friend and invite your enemies over, but if you have a chance to help someone, you better do your best to help.

Love them like your siblings and you WILL get that love back, or at least it'll become easier for you to spread more love around, even if those people don't accept it.

I love you all, I'm thankful for this life. I love God. I know that He is there listening to me, waiting for me, and loves me. I know Jesus made an ultimate sacrifice for us. I'm so grateful that He cared enough for me to do that. I will not take that sacrifice for granted. I love that I have so many abundant blessings. It astounds me as I recieve more than I thought I could ever handle. I know that if you diligently try and get through your trials, He will bless you beyond comprehension. He loves you, I have no doubt about it. He is waiting for you. He can't wait until you kneel down and tell Him about your day. He can't wait until you return home to Him again. And He loves you enough to give you this body, send you away from Him, and let you make your own choices, even if it means you won't return to Him, (but I believe all of you are good enough people to make it there). I hope that you wont be afraid to do your best. Take that courage and perform your best. Smile with nothing held back. Love like they are your family. Live how you want everyone else around you to live. Finally, continue being the great example and image of God that you are.

What Two Months Has Brought Me

It's often hard to live in this world. It's full of poverty, full of war, full of hate, full of evil. The last couple of years of my life I've spent them in what I thought was a testimony. Spent in months and months of "knowledge", "faith", "love", "charity", "hope", and anything you'd like to insert here ______, you can bet I'd say I lived with that. My life, body, and spirit was filled with hatred, insecurities, and pride, even though I'd never admit it, and I doubt I'd notice it then if I was watching out for it. I thought I was a good person, and I bet I was.....to an extent. I thought I knew the gospel, and I did.....to an extent. I thought I was a friend, and I was.....to an extent.

Life gets you down. The world will consume you. If you have it hard at home, it will consume you. If you don't keep your eye on the prize....it will CONSUME you. I allowed the world to train my thinking. I went with the flow. I followed whatever testimony was convenient for the day. I closed my heart, but I wanted Heavenly Father to solve everything for me. I wanted to rid myself of pride, but I wasn't able to humble myself. I wanted the celestial kingdom, but I was doing hardly anything, except for routine, to get me there.

Now don't get me wrong. My whole life hasn't been a lie. I believed in the church, as much as I could. I loved with all my heart, as much as I could, and I did all that I thought was capable and necessary. In my heart, I was being good. Except....I knew I was capable of SOO much more.

I began praying. Studying. Searching. Pleading. Loving. Asking real questions. Talking to great people. I found the answers. Just what I was looking for. I wanted to be a better friend, daughter, example, sister, Daughter of God. I started a ripple effect.

I began by praying, reading my scriptures, thanking not asking. Then, I started noticing my blessings. Pretty soon, I had a testimony of one subject or another. Then I received more, then I grew my testimony, then I was a new person. I just can't get over how blessed I am, and how quickly it happened.

One thing that I prayed for was to be a friend, make friends, and be confident. I wanted to feel the love God has for all of His children. I wanted to make friends and let everyone see this new me. Then I had a change of heart. My prayer was answered. Now I feel like I would do anything for anyone if I can, just because they are a child of God and deserve that, and He LOVES them.I feel connected to someone the moment I meet them, I can feel that love that He has for them. I love that He trusts me with this love, and that I can share it with everyone else. It's a great responsibility and gift. Now I am a friend. I have confidence. I'm not afraid to put myself out there. I am gaining friends. People trust me. I am helping people. I am recieving blessings. I'm happy beyond belief. No matter what is going on in my home life or school life, it can't get me down, because this testimony is just so strong right now. I feel blessed. I'm finally doing what I feel is my mission in life, change people and let them know of God's love for them.

And if I only changed one person, it'd all be worth it.

Goals for 2010!

Gotta write them somewhere or I will forget

1. Finish Personal Progress

2. Get my drivers license

3. Listen to better music

4. Become close friends to 10 new people

5. Go to Idaho and create strong friendships

6. Get my Patriarchital (spelling?) Blessing

7. Finish a quilt

8. Make the difference in someone's life every week

9. Gossip less

10. Strengthen my relationship with Chloe and Steele

Nothing I can't accomplish!

When I Meet My God

While talking to my baptist grandma we got into a conversation of how we would greet our Father in Heaven. Her opinion is He gives us our trials to bring glory unto Himself. I told her I think that His main purpose in not for the glory, although I could be mistaken. I believe He's an unselfish God who loves us so terribly much that'd He'd do it purely for our benefit and for us to gain a body and earthly experience. I just cant imagine He'd want people kissing His feet and praising His name when we return. Rather, them giving Him hugs and saying "thank you" and talking to Him like they'd talk to their father.

She then asked me when I see Him what I will do to show my love to Him. I believe I would give Him a huge hug, sit on His lap and tell stories of my worldly existence, thank Him for everything, and have my life be a testimony that I loved Him. I think He would be uncomfortable with people bowing down and kissing His feet, because He's our father, not an idol. I believe He'd want a huge hug from His child, just like a father here on earth wants that from his child. I think He'd say "Come child, sit on my lap, tell me about your life, and let me teach you."

Now, this doesn't mean that I will be too prideful to bow before Him. I won't know until it happens how it will be to see the face of your creator, the person who gave you your body and life. I may be so overcome with emotions I couldn't feel before that I would do things I wouldn't think of. It's just my own personal belief that He is so unselfish, giving, loving, caring, and wonderful that He'd want His children to gather around Him in thanksgiving and love for a Father, and not in praise and bowing before Him and kissing His feet.

I love my Heavenly Father and look forward to the day of seeing the perfect example of love standing before me. I can't wait to give Him a huge hug and thank Him for always being in my life. I cannot wait to see how everything has turned out. I can't wait for Him to say "Come child, let me teach you.", and spending the rest of eternity learning from the best teacher, the best example, the best and ever constant loving God.

Please look at my sidebar and see that loving picture, that fits in with my life so perfectly, for a perfect visual for my post.

Adventures in Babysitting

It's very long, and I didn't proof read, I'll do it tomorrow....sorry!

The day started off at 2:00. We promptly began Wii Fit, where I won most of the games, my first time. It was a ton of fun, just a lot of concentration and balancing. We did have an unfortunate accident where we were playing baseball and the 6 year old swung his remote into my remote. OUCH! We decided to take a walk and get some fresh air. When we returned we made some frozen pizza and drank tons of Hawaiian punch. Spongebob made his first appearance as he graced the kitchen table in the game "Sorry" form (and shortly later he appeared in the snack form of cheese crackers). We played but once the little boy got "sorried" he didn't want to play anymore. He told us that he was done and whacked his pieces off the board. Shai and I finished and Shai won....): My moves always seemed to benefit her.

After that we rocked out to some rock band. Unfortunately the yellow drum didnt work, and since the beginner level always had at least 50% of them yellow, we always got booed off the stage. We sent the little boy to bed and kept eating kiss after kiss in a little jar (by the end of the night they were basically gone....whoops!)

As the midnight hour crept closer we wore our "Happy New Year" 'crowns' (cuz Shai and I were princesses and the little boy was a wizard) and got in the festive mood. The 6 year old wanted to pop the poppers and release the streamers but we kindly explained to him that we weren't going to do it until midnight or until he was ready to go to bed. At 7 he exclaimed he was more than ready to get to bed.....but we didn't want him to go to bed yet. So we said "put your pj's on for 15 minutes and if you're still ready then we'll do it." We went to put the baby in his pj's and the 6 year old came out in SPONGEBOB PJ'S! Then the little brother realized he was wearing them, and pointed to his very own spongebob pj's right next to the changing table. He wanted to match!

About 20 minutes later the older brother still wanted to do the minifireworks so he said "okay I'm ready!" We made him pinky promise he'd go to bed, but of course right after we were done he exclaimed "JUST KIDDING!". Luckily Shai and I saved some for us to do at midnight.

After we had finally gotten the kids to bed, about 9 for the baby 10 for the 6 year old, we decided to make cookies, since nothing was good on TV. We whipped up a batch of soft chocolate chip cookies and Shai wanted to run some next door to the boy she wants to marry's best family friends. We quickly digital scrapbooked a tag, wrapped it all cute in tinfoil, and ran over the cookies. Shai thought we wouldn't really did it, but in the morning they were gone from the house and the neighbors front door step, so we must have done it!

While the little boy was in his bed and we were scrapbooking we heard "Shailynn, Shai, Shai, Shai!" We thought he was going to come out, and the house was a mess from making the cookies so we just laid down in the bed and waited for him to come out, and we were going to blame it on the elves. We didn't find out until earlier that morning that he didn't really come out of his room, he just yelled for us.

While we were in the process of making cookies Shailynn was trying to spray Pam on the cookie sheet. She kept it really close and was spraying huge globs on it so I took it away from her to show her how to do it. She wasn't going to give it up without a fight so she kept grabbing for it. I threatened that if she was going to continue doing that I'd spray it in her mouth. She told me "Okay go for it!" and I did. Pam sprayed right into her mouth! We both were basically rolling on the floor in laughter after that point. YUCK! After that she got the nickname kidnapper (cuz she was trying to take poor Pam) and I was called Pam Mam, helping Pam's around the world stay safe.

Later that night we watched the ball drop, although it didnt exactly show the ball drop, it just showed gay people kissing, and we banged pots and pans. Shai broke a wooden spoon and we hit the pans to our hearts content. People were outside yelling happy new years to us and then we went inside to make a midnight snack and pop our fireworks of sorts.

I made my special gourmet Top Ramen, although it didn't taste good because we had to eat it out of Tupperware so it didn't taste as good as it should have. Then we watched some Barney and little kids shows, cuz that's the only thing that is appropriate at 1 o'clock in the morning. We were going to watch a movie but we could get the TV to work, even though we did our awesome ninja rolls from one side of the tv to the other. Finally we went to bed.....

The next morning we had a huge mess to clean up! One silly thing that happened was we we came into the entry way to find a VERY happy baby. He was shaking baking soda all over himself and he was rolling in it like it was snow. He loved it. That was the biggest smile I've ever seen on a baby. We cleaned for about an hour and made some yummy yummy waffles. The only down side is we had to have sugar free syrup on them. At that point we found out that the parents wouldn't be leaving Las Vegas for at least another hour.

We played some more Wii and then ditched the electronics for an old fashion fun game of Hide and Go Seek. It was a lot of fun, and filled with lots of fun spots to hide. We then decided to do some rough housing and the little boy loved attacking us and chasing us around the house. We decided to pick him up and I had the arms and Shai had the kicking legs. I was laughing so hard I could keep him up so I slowly lowered him but due to his kicking or something he fell a little faster than expected so I hurried to catch his head and somehow he got hurt (for the third time poor boy, he must hate me). He complained his elbows were hurt....I think. Then the mom called and said she was just leaving Las Vegas.

I went into the bathroom to wash my hands and realized that there was some toilet paper in the toilet so I went to flush it and it clogged! How embarrassing. What was worse though, is we looked all over for the plunger and we couldn't find it ANYWHERE! Finally after lots of embarrassment and stress we found it in the cabinet of the boys bathroom. That was lucky!

So we turned on some music and had a huge dance party. We switched from rap to 70's, 80's, 90's, swing, tango, and broadway. We rocked out to the rockband accessories and just plain had fun! Then somehow the poor boy got hurt again and ran into his room. Then on the 90's station this really weird rap came on, right as the parents came home. It was pretty embarassing.

Then....I went home.

Phew