What Two Months Has Brought Me

It's often hard to live in this world. It's full of poverty, full of war, full of hate, full of evil. The last couple of years of my life I've spent them in what I thought was a testimony. Spent in months and months of "knowledge", "faith", "love", "charity", "hope", and anything you'd like to insert here ______, you can bet I'd say I lived with that. My life, body, and spirit was filled with hatred, insecurities, and pride, even though I'd never admit it, and I doubt I'd notice it then if I was watching out for it. I thought I was a good person, and I bet I was.....to an extent. I thought I knew the gospel, and I did.....to an extent. I thought I was a friend, and I was.....to an extent.

Life gets you down. The world will consume you. If you have it hard at home, it will consume you. If you don't keep your eye on the prize....it will CONSUME you. I allowed the world to train my thinking. I went with the flow. I followed whatever testimony was convenient for the day. I closed my heart, but I wanted Heavenly Father to solve everything for me. I wanted to rid myself of pride, but I wasn't able to humble myself. I wanted the celestial kingdom, but I was doing hardly anything, except for routine, to get me there.

Now don't get me wrong. My whole life hasn't been a lie. I believed in the church, as much as I could. I loved with all my heart, as much as I could, and I did all that I thought was capable and necessary. In my heart, I was being good. Except....I knew I was capable of SOO much more.

I began praying. Studying. Searching. Pleading. Loving. Asking real questions. Talking to great people. I found the answers. Just what I was looking for. I wanted to be a better friend, daughter, example, sister, Daughter of God. I started a ripple effect.

I began by praying, reading my scriptures, thanking not asking. Then, I started noticing my blessings. Pretty soon, I had a testimony of one subject or another. Then I received more, then I grew my testimony, then I was a new person. I just can't get over how blessed I am, and how quickly it happened.

One thing that I prayed for was to be a friend, make friends, and be confident. I wanted to feel the love God has for all of His children. I wanted to make friends and let everyone see this new me. Then I had a change of heart. My prayer was answered. Now I feel like I would do anything for anyone if I can, just because they are a child of God and deserve that, and He LOVES them.I feel connected to someone the moment I meet them, I can feel that love that He has for them. I love that He trusts me with this love, and that I can share it with everyone else. It's a great responsibility and gift. Now I am a friend. I have confidence. I'm not afraid to put myself out there. I am gaining friends. People trust me. I am helping people. I am recieving blessings. I'm happy beyond belief. No matter what is going on in my home life or school life, it can't get me down, because this testimony is just so strong right now. I feel blessed. I'm finally doing what I feel is my mission in life, change people and let them know of God's love for them.

And if I only changed one person, it'd all be worth it.